Rose comes in sits down across from me looks into my eyes and tells me she went to the local bar in her neighborhood after leaving me the night before. She tells me she was caught by the cops with a guy in her car. She was about to give him oral sex when the cops came. I’m stunned, my heart drop like a lead weight to my feet. I told her to leave, that I have had enough after almost 4 years.
She just will not stop; I don’t get it, why does she try to hurt me like this. She begins to cry and asks me to forgive her.
To add to things, just a few days ago, she left me at 5 to return to meet me at 8 am the next day, she was still in the same clothing from the day before. She also seemed to still be intoxicated. I have had enough. It’s time for me to move on; I simply can’t endure the pain any longer. I split up with her finally saying good bye for good.
It has been several weeks now; my love just will not leave my heart. All I can think of is her, how much I miss her kiss, her touch. Suddenly, after about a month I get a text, “HI”. My eyes light up as I look at my phone, my heart starts to beat again. I can’t resist, I have to say hi. She begs me to talk, I told her I would listen, she tells me she is finished with men, she misses me that I saved her life and begs my forgiveness that she loves me so much and she can never be with another man. I tell her to meet me at our place; we will talk but no promises.
It’s a Friday afternoon, she is dressed up, we sit and talk, she promises that her running around is over, pleads with me to please take her back one more time, I agree but this will be the last time. I know she has a date, I feel it, I confront her, she denies it, I ask her to please don’t go. She promises me she is going home and drives off.
Later that night I went to her home and I see her car is not there. I text her, where are you? I know you’re out with someone. She tells me to leave her alone that I left her and we aren’t together yet. I told her we were & she knew it, I plead with her to leave where ever she is to come meet me. She refuses, I text her all night until 11, she has stopped writing back; all communications stop. I now call her, it goes to voice mail, ask her to pick up or at least call me back. I tried in vain, to no avail, she is ignoring my calls.
At home I tossed and turned until about 2 am, I finally fall asleep…. I was awakened by a text at 4:30am, “I’m on my way home”. I know what she was doing & that is it. I didn’t answer her. My heart is broken once again, I must be a sucker. All my life I have seen people like me stuck on someone that is just no good, I never thought I would be one of those pathetic souls.
She texts me again later telling me nothing happened that she pushed him off & they both fell asleep. She has lied to me so much I refuse to believe her, I tell her we are done.
I am working at our place that afternoon when she just shows up, my heart drops, I’m sick over this whole thing. She begs my forgiveness crying in pain as she tells me nothing happened; she just couldn’t do anything because of her love for me. I sit here numb not even able to talk, just looking at her devastated. She walks over, takes me into her arms and kisses me. I resist, but not for long, again I melt.
I kiss her neck; my love for her drives my passion and apparently my common sense.
We lay down; she undresses me and slowly kisses me down my body. Fully excited, my heart; not the sex shuts out what happened the night before from my brain, I want her, I want her to be all mine and love me as much as I love her, a fantasy that I know will never happen, just can’t help myself. Before she can take me into her mouth I stop her. Pull her to me kiss her deeply passionately with all I have, holding her tight very close. I want all the bad stuff to go away, but the scars are too deep, I just hide from them as we kissed. I undress her, I want her body close to mine, not for sex but for love, the love that has overtaken all my sense & thought. What has happened to me, the real me the smart me, it seems to be gone forever.
Again, she moves down, this time she takes me into her mouth, making love to me with all she has. After several minutes I pull her up on top of me and slowly enter her. I move deep inside her. My passion my heart, my mind are on fire with passion. I look deep into her eyes, take her face in my hands gently pulling her lips to mine. I feel her love I know it’s not just physical with her too. We move slowly but deliberately, giving each other both physical and emotional joy. I feel her heart, her wetness we feel each others joy. This is so right, so real, it’s what we both have been searching for, it’s what everybody searches for, I finally found it.
We finish after what felt like hours, we continue to lay in each others arms, holding each other tight kissing softly; I never want to move, neither does she. We fall asleep in each others arms, this is where I want to be, I never want this to end, I have put the night before foolishly behind me again, I’m headed for disaster, I know it I just simply don’t want to see it.