the diary of a fool, Bill & Rose
We spent the last few months seeing each other at least 3 to 4 nights a week. We couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. We enjoyed dining out & going for walks, but mostly we enjoyed being with each other in our little hide-away.
When we touch I am on fire, I can’t remember ever feeling so much passion, I don’t understand why, I just know it feels good and I surrendered to it. There is only one draw back, that I missed some how; I just not seeing clearly. Yes it is there, it‘s a sign for me to run, yet unbeknownst to me, I will ignore it, justify it, I simply don’t want to see it. I am too caught up in the passion, I am falling in love.
I never ask myself why she is getting so many calls from so many men. How could I miss this clear sign of trouble coming for me down the road? She is getting texts from men all night long. She angrily calls them and tells them to leave her alone. She actually put me on the phone with them, and like a fool I do it, I told them to leave her alone. Most do, but for some it takes a few conversations, eventually they go away. At least I thought they did, I am losing my sight, I will call it, the blindness of passion. I’m not processing the stories she was tell me about being with them & what she did with them. I don’t want to hear the stories and I don’t.
Tonight after dinner and two phone calls from her men, we head back to our place. We sit on the couch and embraced. Holding her is like holding an angel; I feel her warmth and passion. We kiss long and passionately, my heart is now turning to love, pulling me into her. We make our way to the bedroom; we can’t get our cloths off fast enough. Our naked bodies, lying so close, we hold each other tight, we are one. We kiss, my burning desire to give her great pleasure took control of my body, my heart, my soul, and I am helpless. I kiss her body all over, she responds with the same passion I feel, there was no mistake we have a connection beyond what we both understand. An attraction so strong, so deep, this is like nothing I have ever experienced. As I entered her, our eyes meet, our lips come together like magnets that couldn’t be parted. I am making love for the 1st time in my life; I know it but don’t want to admit it, to her or myself for fear of scaring her.
As we make love my body melted into hers, I feel her body react to mine, this is real, I am convinced… we finish, making love lying next to her, love still flows from my heart. I hold her in my arms pull her to me as close and tight as I can, I want to pull her into me, my heart is filled with joy, with love.
We lay holding each other as we talk, it was then she told me; she loves her husband and has no intention of leaving him. She told me the reason for me and the other men is that he is gay & she needs the sex, she told me she would never leave him. I am hurt, cut deeply as if it’s a surgeon’s scalpel cutting deep into me. I can’t blame her, I clearly know, I let myself go to far. I know she doesn’t need this, me, or my childish passion. My complete lack of self-control, what a mess this has become, I was gone. I knew it, she feels the same way, I can’t miss that, why.
I don’t realize; I am blind. I am with a master manipulator, it is clear; I choose to not see it. All the men she told me about, left my head, this is a big mistake. Little do I realize this is to become a love affair of hurt and pain? The lying, the cheating that is about to come my way will be intense. I am embarking on a journey like no other. But, I am in love and like most fools in love I am helpless, I just don’t care about anything but being with her.
the diary of a fool, Bill & Rose