Prolog

•May 24, 2013 • Leave a Comment
Advertisements

The End

•May 22, 2012 • 3 Comments

Part 7 Again she cheats again I take he back Why, how can I continue ….

•April 26, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Part 7;

Rose comes in sits down across from me looks into my eyes and tells me she went to the local bar in her neighborhood after leaving me the night before. She tells me she was caught by the cops with a guy in her car. She was about to give him oral sex when the cops came. I’m stunned, my heart drop like a lead weight to my feet. I told her to leave, that I have had enough after almost 4 years.

She just will not stop; I don’t get it, why does she try to hurt me like this. She begins to cry and asks me to forgive her.

To add to things, just a few days ago, she left me at 5 to return to meet me at 8 am the next day, she was still in the same clothing from the day before. She also seemed to still be intoxicated. I have had enough. It’s time for me to move on; I simply can’t endure the pain any longer. I split up with her finally saying good bye for good.

It has been several weeks now; my love just will not leave my heart. All I can think of is her, how much I miss her kiss, her touch. Suddenly, after about a month I get a text, “HI”. My eyes light up as I look at my phone, my heart starts to beat again. I can’t resist, I have to say hi. She begs me to talk, I told her I would listen, she tells me she is finished with men, she misses me that I saved her life and begs my forgiveness that she loves me so much and she can never be with another man. I tell her to meet me at our place; we will talk but no promises.

It’s a Friday afternoon, she is dressed up, we sit and talk, she promises that her running around is over, pleads with me to please take her back one more time, I agree but this will be the last time. I know she has a date, I feel it, I confront her, she denies it, I ask her to please don’t go. She promises me she is going home and drives off.

Later that night I went to her home and I see her car is not there.  I text her, where are you? I know you’re out with someone. She tells me to leave her alone that I left her and we aren’t together yet. I told her we were & she knew it, I plead with her to leave where ever she is to come meet me. She refuses, I text her all night until 11, she has stopped writing back; all communications stop. I now call her, it goes to voice mail, ask her to pick up or at least call me back. I tried in vain, to no avail, she is ignoring my calls.
At home I tossed and turned until about 2 am, I finally fall asleep…. I was awakened by a text at 4:30am, “I’m on my way home”. I know what she was doing & that is it. I didn’t answer her. My heart is broken once again, I must be a sucker. All my life I have seen people like me stuck on someone that is just no good, I never thought I would be one of those pathetic souls.

She texts me again later telling me nothing happened that she pushed him off & they both fell asleep. She has lied to me so much I refuse to believe her, I tell her we are done.

I am working at our place that afternoon when she just shows up, my heart drops, I’m sick over this whole thing. She begs my forgiveness crying in pain as she tells me nothing happened; she just couldn’t do anything because of her love for me. I sit here numb not even able to talk, just looking at her devastated. She walks over, takes me into her arms and kisses me. I resist, but not for long, again I melt.

I kiss her neck; my love for her drives my passion and apparently my common sense.
We lay down; she undresses me and slowly kisses me down my body. Fully excited, my heart; not the sex shuts out what happened the night before from my brain, I want her, I want her to be all mine and love me as much as I love her, a fantasy that I know will never happen,  just can’t help myself. Before she can take me into her mouth I stop her. Pull her to me kiss her deeply passionately with all I have, holding her tight very close. I want all the bad stuff to go away, but the scars are too deep, I just hide from them as we kissed. I undress her, I want her body close to mine, not for sex but for love, the love that has overtaken all my sense & thought. What has happened to me, the real me the smart me, it seems to be gone forever.
Again, she moves down, this time she takes me into her mouth, making love to me with all she has. After several minutes I pull her up on top of me and slowly enter her. I move deep inside her. My passion my heart, my mind are on fire with passion. I look deep into her eyes, take her face in my hands gently pulling her lips to mine. I feel her love I know it’s not just physical with her too. We move slowly but deliberately, giving each other both physical and emotional joy. I feel her heart, her wetness we feel each others joy. This is so right, so real, it’s what we both have been searching for, it’s what everybody searches for, I finally found it.
We finish after what felt like hours, we continue to lay in each others arms, holding each other tight kissing softly; I never want to move, neither does she. We fall asleep in each others arms, this is where I want to be, I never want this to end, I have put the night before foolishly behind me again, I’m headed for disaster, I know it I just simply don’t want to see it.

The IM from nowhere: I couldn’t believe my eyes

•April 2, 2012 • Leave a Comment

PART 5
Sitting on the computer working after what was months of her telling me she is faithful; I am comfortable that the doctor visits and medication is working. She continued to reassure me that all the infidelity is now in the past and she is better.

I feel really good when we see each other, it is magic, more so then before with everyday getting better and better the summer is here the days are beautiful even more so when she is with me and we touch. Her husband is working nights and I am now on my way to leaving my wife for her.

She comes over, tonight; I make us some dinner we sit and talk. I just can’t keep my hands off her. I need her in my arms; I stand, take her by the hand and kiss it as I pull her to me. I hold her close, I want to pull her into me, I want her to be one with me. We kiss our kiss soft as the clouds; yet so powerful I feel my heart touching hers. We lay down; continuing to kiss. I move down to her neck softly kissing her up and down her neck down to her shoulder. Her head falls back with passion, I smell her sweet body. I pull the shoulder of her blouse down to give me access to her shoulder. I am so excited I feel like I will explode. I want to rush into her; I know this passion is why I’m alive now. It makes me feel like I am no longer dead inside. She is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I take extra care to show her how to feel love and not just physical sex. I know I am making progress, I feel it in her kiss as I now work my way back up to her lips, her passion sends warmth all the way down to my toes. I feel amazing, this is so much more then sex.

 I unbutton her blouse kissing her back down to her shoulder again, making my way to the center of her chest. Her body rises to mine I feel her excitement. I release her from her bra and take her into my mouth, my hand caressing her body, while I hold her tight to me in the other.

I slowly remove all her clothing; I caress her leg moving slowly up to her sweet wetness. I kiss her body working my down I open her legs and taste her. I work hard to give her pleasure, I want to please her every desire. After several minutes she pull me up we kiss I enter her, look into her eyes & love fills me… and I thought her. Again she tells me she could never be with another man. My heart is filled with love as look deep into her eyes.

We finish hold each other tight, softly kissing until we fall asleep in each other’s arms. It’s Saturday morning, she tell me she has to run to home before her husband gets home. I am sure that one day this will not be the case, we will be together forever.

All weekend, I get texts from her telling me how much she misses me and how wonderful our night together was and how she wants this to be our life. Then, as I’m sitting on the computer I get an IM from someone I haven’t heard from in months. She knew about my “flower” as she put it. But I didn’t tell her much about us. She tells me, “your flower is at it again” she sends me the link to sugar daddy.com I am crushed, I can’t believe it. I now find out she is not at home at all but spending the weekend with Ron on the north shore. How can this be, how can she walk out the door to yet another man.

I don’t let her know what I know but tell her I want to have dinner on Monday.

At dinner I confront her about Ron, she tells me she needs him too. She tells me about his sex room & the wonderful massages he gives. I take her phone and see it’s not just Ron but five others, including Mark who tell his wife he’s playing golf on Sunday when he is actually playing with my flower. Hell this guy is sending her to his wife’s hair dresser. What a fool I am, but love overtakes me and I think maybe I can get past this too. But after seeing all those emails & what she is doing with these guys. No I can’t and I leave her. The woman I love is a whore a prostitute as she is doing this for money. Who am I, who is this woman?

As we move forward things change will it draw us closer

•February 16, 2012 • 2 Comments

After several months: the signs are there
We are always in touch, even when we are not together. She is consistently texting me, telling me how much she misses me when we can’t be together. How amazing it is to be together. She tells me I am all she can think of and wants to be with me all the time. I am in pain when we aren’t together. The though of her sitting lonely in her living room with a man who cares nothing about her, except for the money she can bring in. It breaks my heart; my mind, my soul, my life are consumed with the thought of leaving my wife & making a life with Rose. But she still hasn’t told me she loves me and she did tell me she wouldn’t leave her husband, I have to try to hold myself together.
Making love to her is amazing, it’s not the act, it is the feeling I get when I do. I was trying to show her the difference between sex and making love. Her past was filled with shallow meaningless sex. I think if she saw the difference it would help her see and awaken her.
My heart and my soul are completely absorbed in to my being one with her, her touch sets me on fire every time we touch. Just the sight of her lifts me to heights I never thought possible. It’s been almost a year, yet I still have not lost this feeling, no it gets stronger by the day.
It’s a Wednesday evening she is free for the evening her husband has been called to work. I pick her up and we go to our place. After a nice dinner I made, we decide to lie down relax and talk. It was about a month ago that I finally told her I love her. I got no response, I never pushed it, I just let it be. Fear paralyzed me when I said it. It was in the middle of making love, being one. Maybe she though because it was said in the throws of passion, was I like the many, many others, and was just saying what she thought she wanted to hear. I never say what I don’t mean, but she is so used to being used she has no way of knowing that.
As we talk I begin to kiss her softly, I take her hand kiss the back than the palm.
I gently kiss her cheek, then forehead. I slowly move to her on the lips. We begin to kiss slowly, then without warning she loses it. She starts punching me, tears my shirt off screaming at me, scratching me. There is no getting her back. Trying to hold her hands to keep her from hurting both of us more is fruitless. I am afraid; I have no idea what to for with this crazy out of control woman. Her eyes are crazy, wild, she has lost her mind. I slap her, she stops, the crazy look in her eye leaves, she breaks down and cry’s. I hold her tight as she apologizes, we kiss and I console her, reassuring her everything will be ok.
I see now there is more to these crazy acts of random sex with strangers on the net then doing it for money as she claimed. I begin to realize she also has a drinking problem. She always has wine in a soda bottle in her purse. I am awakened, I know now what is going on, she is bi polar, All the symptoms are there, why hasn’t anyone tried to help her, what is wrong with her husband, who allows this behavior?
Once I have her back, I tell her we need to get her help. Over the next several months I move forward to make sure she gets to a doctor. I work to get her to stop the drinking and smoking.
It took another 6 months but things seem so much better now, she tell me every time we meet she can’t believe how she acted. I went to the therapist with her, it turns out she really likes him, but he will not take her insurance, so I pay, I only want the best for her. Our relationship has now turned from one of passion to love and I will do anything I can to get my Rose better, anything.

a fools diary of his doomed love affair cont.

•February 15, 2012 • Leave a Comment

the diary of a fool, Bill & Rose
We spent the last few months seeing each other at least 3 to 4 nights a week. We couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. We enjoyed dining out & going for walks, but mostly we enjoyed being with each other in our little hide-away.
When we touch I am on fire, I can’t remember ever feeling so much passion, I don’t understand why, I just know it feels good and I surrendered to it. There is only one draw back, that I missed some how; I just not seeing clearly. Yes it is there, it‘s a sign for me to run, yet unbeknownst to me, I will ignore it, justify it, I simply don’t want to see it. I am too caught up in the passion, I am falling in love.
I never ask myself why she is getting so many calls from so many men. How could I miss this clear sign of trouble coming for me down the road? She is getting texts from men all night long. She angrily calls them and tells them to leave her alone. She actually put me on the phone with them, and like a fool I do it, I told them to leave her alone. Most do, but for some it takes a few conversations, eventually they go away. At least I thought they did, I am losing my sight, I will call it, the blindness of passion. I’m not processing the stories she was tell me about being with them & what she did with them. I don’t want to hear the stories and I don’t.
Tonight after dinner and two phone calls from her men, we head back to our place. We sit on the couch and embraced. Holding her is like holding an angel; I feel her warmth and passion. We kiss long and passionately, my heart is now turning to love, pulling me into her. We make our way to the bedroom; we can’t get our cloths off fast enough. Our naked bodies, lying so close, we hold each other tight, we are one. We kiss, my burning desire to give her great pleasure took control of my body, my heart, my soul, and I am helpless. I kiss her body all over, she responds with the same passion I feel, there was no mistake we have a connection beyond what we both understand. An attraction so strong, so deep, this is like nothing I have ever experienced. As I entered her, our eyes meet, our lips come together like magnets that couldn’t be parted. I am making love for the 1st time in my life; I know it but don’t want to admit it, to her or myself for fear of scaring her.
As we make love my body melted into hers, I feel her body react to mine, this is real, I am convinced… we finish, making love lying next to her, love still flows from my heart. I hold her in my arms pull her to me as close and tight as I can, I want to pull her into me, my heart is filled with joy, with love.
We lay holding each other as we talk, it was then she told me; she loves her husband and has no intention of leaving him. She told me the reason for me and the other men is that he is gay & she needs the sex, she told me she would never leave him. I am hurt, cut deeply as if it’s a surgeon’s scalpel cutting deep into me. I can’t blame her, I clearly know, I let myself go to far. I know she doesn’t need this, me, or my childish passion. My complete lack of self-control, what a mess this has become, I was gone. I knew it, she feels the same way, I can’t miss that, why.
I don’t realize; I am blind. I am with a master manipulator, it is clear; I choose to not see it. All the men she told me about, left my head, this is a big mistake. Little do I realize this is to become a love affair of hurt and pain? The lying, the cheating that is about to come my way will be intense. I am embarking on a journey like no other. But, I am in love and like most fools in love I am helpless, I just don’t care about anything but being with her.

•February 15, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Bob Buchanan

I haven’t published it as I’m writing the 2nd one, a continuation of the 1st. This is new not like the novel;

I found heart-break & pain on the net

My life has become boring, I lack love and feel alone, even though I am married. I have no idea what happened to the woman I once loved with all my heart. She has become angry & cynical. We stopped talking to each other and began to talk to at each other. I don’t knowing what to do, I know divorce is out of the question, for many reasons. Lost and in pain, I posted an ad on a cheating site. In hind sight a big mistake, but who could have guessed, I am weak, lost, not an excuse I know, but I will eventually pay dearly.

It all started on one November day, I got an answer to my…

View original post 171 more words