•May 24, 2013 • Leave a Comment

It’s been over a year now since I last heard from her. She sent me a text from her phone that it was her birthday. It was very late & woke me, not uncommon for her, she must have just left a date and was on her way home a little richer in cash, but poorer in self. I did answer her the next morning, I told her I knew, I for some reason can’t forget it & wished her a happy BD. That was the last direct communications with her.

One day I realized she had something of mine and was telling a friend about it & now had to purchase a new program to get the serial number. I lost it when I change Hard drives. He took it upon himself to text her to see if she had the number I needed. She told him no, he text me to tell me she said she didn’t have it, But I told him she did & I didn’t expect much less from her not to worry. I guess he text her again, this time she told him to tell me to never contact her again. I told him let her know it wasn’t me that was talking to her in case she didn’t realize it, I don’t have any of her contact information & couldn’t contact her if I wanted to, I mean I deleted everything I had for her, it would have to be up to her to contact me if she wanted contact.

I don’t know what happened and why she was so hostile, I don’t much care. But this much I do know. Her brother-in-law contacted me via facebook. He was quite nasty and told me I had something of his & I am sending it out to others. I had no idea what it is but he told me they are photos. I advised him I had nothing of his, he was blaming me and her; I told him neither of us had anything to do with it. On top of that I had no email addresses to send anything out in his life. I offered to meet him face to face, he could come here & go through my computer and he would see for himself. I also advised him if he had photos that are private … at least he hinted that’s what they were … that he shouldn’t have photos, I told him that if you are doing something you don’t want out there you should never take photos or video. I’ll never understand why people do that, really what purpose does it serve.

He eventually got it, it really wasn’t me, I was advised that she accused me of breaking into her computer some how & got them, then sent them to someone. If I was to break into her computer to get anything … and I wouldn’t waste my time, I have no reason to hurt her, it would be all her prostitution crap, not photos of him. Even that, her husband knows & encourages it so think about it what purpose would it serve. I have moved on with my life.

I believe what actually happened is HE sent them to someone, who sent them to someone else so on and so forth, or perhaps his wife sent them out, more likely. What amazes me is how quickly people forget everything that someone else did for them. It’s good to know that in today’s world we seem to have become so into ourselves we just look to use others, that isn’t who I am and perhaps I get it, I don’t accept it.

Well, the fact is even with that crazy shit, contact is long over and I have finally moved on, I wish he well, I do. However I know things aren’t right with her, I still receive messages from her spirit guides, her parents, asking me to help her (and her sister) once in a while. I push them off, let them know I no longer have contact info for her & they leave me along for a while again.

This put this story to bed.

I hope you enjoyed this little story. BB

NOTE: I am hoping to release my book a romance novel the lunch with in the next few months. I’ll keep you informed.

The End

•May 22, 2012 • 3 Comments

After several months of being together with no signs of her betraying me I allow my love to grow deeper.     I wonder why I have fallen so deeply for my flower; I have given her my heart and soul. When we are together it’s still magic .. for me anyway. We can’t see each other that often because her husband is no longer working and has her on a short leash … or so I though. She told me she needed a job, I ask her to come to work for me that way we can see each other, I get some help & she can make some money, she tells me she wants to see me so badly and agrees. She will tell him she found a job. She is coming in Tuesday at 9:30, and can’t wait to see me, as I can’t wait to hold her once again. 

Tuesday is here; 9:30 comes and goes she is not here. She calls to tell me she is running late & will be here about 1, she told me she woke up late.  When she shows up, I get a hint of alcohol on her breath. I’m concerned she is drinking again. I put this aside. With her in my arms there is nothing in the world that matters any longer then having her here with me in my arms. Unable to wait, we lie down and kiss deeply and passionately. I kiss her neck move down to her breast taking them in my hands kissing them softly. We undress at this point I continue to kiss her down to her stomach, moving myself down between her legs. I open them, kiss the inside of her thighs then up to her gentle soft wet woman hood. I lick her gently pulling her open. It’s right then and there I knew, there is the smell of another man, I have smelled it a number of times, I don’t say anything but she knew something was wrong. She knew, I didn’t know where she had been before coming to work. My passion, my love for her drove me leaving all common sense dormant. As she pulled me up I entered her, deep my heart felt like it would explode. We kissed deeply and passionately as we made love, our hearts beating as one, I came alive again after months of sadness.  We enjoyed each other for the following three days like a couple of love sick kids. But I was sensing something was up. Although she claimed she couldn’t wait to see me she was 2 hours late everyday. I focused on this, thinking maybe it was all her past infidelity’s that were weighting heavily on my mind. I shrugged it off until that weekend. 

Early Saturday morning about 5 I awoke, I knew something was up. I drove to her building and that’s when it happened, I saw her entering the building across the parkway from her. I waited and watched then they came out together, I am devastated, she is at it again. I followed for a while saw them playing & her treating him like she did me. That was it; it was all I need to see. I knew this time I had no choice but to end this once and for all. I had enabled her for years but forgiving her, I had to put an end to this now. My heart broken fell to the street like a broken wine bottle. When confronted her with this I found out Matty was her husband’s computer guy. She was fooling around with him. She thought he had money & was the perfect guy. I knew otherwise, I knew he was a drunk & she only see’s what she wants to see. Being the lier cheat she is she blamed me again, she tried to tell me they were just friends. He was someone she could talk to because she couldn’t talk to me. We both knew that was not true. She saw his money & that is all she and the people from her country care about.  I ended our relationship at that point.  

Months later; I get a text, can we talk, I have been in pain all that time as a matter of fact I wanted to end my life at one point the pain was to much to bare. I agreed to see her, I knew she is back on the sites meeting guys again for money. She is right back to who she was, like a wild animal that will never break these patterns. We spoke; she convinced me she was done with these guys. The money was elusive, I explained to her about Ill gotten gains never stay with you; I foolishly agree to once again see her.  I couldn’t help it before long We were back together, only just 3 times this time, I tried to make love with her but just couldn’t. I lost it every time we started I would think of all the guys past & present & my passion was gone, I just couldn’t get it back. Even though she told me she had stopped I knew otherwise.

Finally, she called me last minute on a Saturday asked if she could see me, I explained I only had a few hours I was tied up. She told me that wasn’t enough; I test her. I told her she should call one of the other guys, she let me know she would give another guy a call. That was like a dagger to the heart, It was the final blow, the last I could endure. I knew I would never get her to love me that was the end. So I thought, I get an email from her telling me I never cared; was like all the other guys. I re-read it, I can’t believe she believes what she is saying after all I have done for her. The care Love I gave her and the pain she knew crippled me. I pointed out everything I endured and all I did for her again; I never abused her like all the others not even close. 

This tread went on for a while when I got that final email. She tried to tell me she wasn’t with men for money (another contradiction one of many) that she spent the last 5 years looking for the right man. She had finally after all those years of searching found “the love of her life, a real man” and she didn’t find him on line; I though really; like that makes a difference.  That was it for me, I ended all communications at that point.

That was close to a year ago; there wasn’t a day I didn’t miss her, but some how. When I though maybe I should contact her again, that maybe she has changed; I would always get the memory of all the men & what she told me she did with them. I knew there was too much in our past; I was the one who loved, not her. She is so selfish, having no respect for herself, let alone me. It’s just not possible for someone who has no respect for themselves to even so much as care a little about others. These were very valuable lessons for me. I learned you can’t make someone love you no matter what you do or how hard you try. Just because you love them doesn’t automatically mean they will love you back.

I shouldn’t have stayed as long as I did, I should have to moved on and the sooner the better.  Why I hung on is beyond me, but I did. I allowed myself to believe her lies, shame on me, the pain I’m in is the pain I deserve; I will live with it along with the battle scar on my heart. I will not display it proudly, I will hide it keep it a secret, but keep it just the same. She used me for whatever selfish reason, I’m still not sure, the reason doesn’t matter really, it happened and there is no going back.

The pain has turned to hate now, every time I think of her fondly it is short lived, the visions my spirit guides bring me s of her with others, it’s beyond what I can take. I asked my psychic friend why she was sent to me. I was told she wasn’t sent to me I was sent to her. I was her last chance to better her life & change it. I was given incredible strength to live through the pain in hopes she would grasp the opportunity and change. She refused; she is very selfish, cold; dishonest. I see all that now, My intense anger is because I just didn’t see it before. I’m sure she has her REAL MAN wrapped around her deceitful finger now; I know I’m not even a passing though to her, this helps me with my transition. 

“Time to say good bye” my love; I know you had no problem moving on because you are not capable of love she will never experience true love. I am the one hurt I can only hope one day I never wake thinking of her … I must move on now.

Part 7 Again she cheats again I take he back Why, how can I continue ….

•April 26, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Part 7;

Rose comes in sits down across from me looks into my eyes and tells me she went to the local bar in her neighborhood after leaving me the night before. She tells me she was caught by the cops with a guy in her car. She was about to give him oral sex when the cops came. I’m stunned, my heart drop like a lead weight to my feet. I told her to leave, that I have had enough after almost 4 years.

She just will not stop; I don’t get it, why does she try to hurt me like this. She begins to cry and asks me to forgive her.

To add to things, just a few days ago, she left me at 5 to return to meet me at 8 am the next day, she was still in the same clothing from the day before. She also seemed to still be intoxicated. I have had enough. It’s time for me to move on; I simply can’t endure the pain any longer. I split up with her finally saying good bye for good.

It has been several weeks now; my love just will not leave my heart. All I can think of is her, how much I miss her kiss, her touch. Suddenly, after about a month I get a text, “HI”. My eyes light up as I look at my phone, my heart starts to beat again. I can’t resist, I have to say hi. She begs me to talk, I told her I would listen, she tells me she is finished with men, she misses me that I saved her life and begs my forgiveness that she loves me so much and she can never be with another man. I tell her to meet me at our place; we will talk but no promises.

It’s a Friday afternoon, she is dressed up, we sit and talk, she promises that her running around is over, pleads with me to please take her back one more time, I agree but this will be the last time. I know she has a date, I feel it, I confront her, she denies it, I ask her to please don’t go. She promises me she is going home and drives off.

Later that night I went to her home and I see her car is not there.  I text her, where are you? I know you’re out with someone. She tells me to leave her alone that I left her and we aren’t together yet. I told her we were & she knew it, I plead with her to leave where ever she is to come meet me. She refuses, I text her all night until 11, she has stopped writing back; all communications stop. I now call her, it goes to voice mail, ask her to pick up or at least call me back. I tried in vain, to no avail, she is ignoring my calls.
At home I tossed and turned until about 2 am, I finally fall asleep…. I was awakened by a text at 4:30am, “I’m on my way home”. I know what she was doing & that is it. I didn’t answer her. My heart is broken once again, I must be a sucker. All my life I have seen people like me stuck on someone that is just no good, I never thought I would be one of those pathetic souls.

She texts me again later telling me nothing happened that she pushed him off & they both fell asleep. She has lied to me so much I refuse to believe her, I tell her we are done.

I am working at our place that afternoon when she just shows up, my heart drops, I’m sick over this whole thing. She begs my forgiveness crying in pain as she tells me nothing happened; she just couldn’t do anything because of her love for me. I sit here numb not even able to talk, just looking at her devastated. She walks over, takes me into her arms and kisses me. I resist, but not for long, again I melt.

I kiss her neck; my love for her drives my passion and apparently my common sense.
We lay down; she undresses me and slowly kisses me down my body. Fully excited, my heart; not the sex shuts out what happened the night before from my brain, I want her, I want her to be all mine and love me as much as I love her, a fantasy that I know will never happen,  just can’t help myself. Before she can take me into her mouth I stop her. Pull her to me kiss her deeply passionately with all I have, holding her tight very close. I want all the bad stuff to go away, but the scars are too deep, I just hide from them as we kissed. I undress her, I want her body close to mine, not for sex but for love, the love that has overtaken all my sense & thought. What has happened to me, the real me the smart me, it seems to be gone forever.
Again, she moves down, this time she takes me into her mouth, making love to me with all she has. After several minutes I pull her up on top of me and slowly enter her. I move deep inside her. My passion my heart, my mind are on fire with passion. I look deep into her eyes, take her face in my hands gently pulling her lips to mine. I feel her love I know it’s not just physical with her too. We move slowly but deliberately, giving each other both physical and emotional joy. I feel her heart, her wetness we feel each others joy. This is so right, so real, it’s what we both have been searching for, it’s what everybody searches for, I finally found it.
We finish after what felt like hours, we continue to lay in each others arms, holding each other tight kissing softly; I never want to move, neither does she. We fall asleep in each others arms, this is where I want to be, I never want this to end, I have put the night before foolishly behind me again, I’m headed for disaster, I know it I just simply don’t want to see it.

The IM from nowhere: I couldn’t believe my eyes

•April 2, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Sitting on the computer working after what was months of her telling me she is faithful; I am comfortable that the doctor visits and medication is working. She continued to reassure me that all the infidelity is now in the past and she is better.

I feel really good when we see each other, it is magic, more so then before with everyday getting better and better the summer is here the days are beautiful even more so when she is with me and we touch. Her husband is working nights and I am now on my way to leaving my wife for her.

She comes over, tonight; I make us some dinner we sit and talk. I just can’t keep my hands off her. I need her in my arms; I stand, take her by the hand and kiss it as I pull her to me. I hold her close, I want to pull her into me, I want her to be one with me. We kiss our kiss soft as the clouds; yet so powerful I feel my heart touching hers. We lay down; continuing to kiss. I move down to her neck softly kissing her up and down her neck down to her shoulder. Her head falls back with passion, I smell her sweet body. I pull the shoulder of her blouse down to give me access to her shoulder. I am so excited I feel like I will explode. I want to rush into her; I know this passion is why I’m alive now. It makes me feel like I am no longer dead inside. She is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I take extra care to show her how to feel love and not just physical sex. I know I am making progress, I feel it in her kiss as I now work my way back up to her lips, her passion sends warmth all the way down to my toes. I feel amazing, this is so much more then sex.

 I unbutton her blouse kissing her back down to her shoulder again, making my way to the center of her chest. Her body rises to mine I feel her excitement. I release her from her bra and take her into my mouth, my hand caressing her body, while I hold her tight to me in the other.

I slowly remove all her clothing; I caress her leg moving slowly up to her sweet wetness. I kiss her body working my down I open her legs and taste her. I work hard to give her pleasure, I want to please her every desire. After several minutes she pull me up we kiss I enter her, look into her eyes & love fills me… and I thought her. Again she tells me she could never be with another man. My heart is filled with love as look deep into her eyes.

We finish hold each other tight, softly kissing until we fall asleep in each other’s arms. It’s Saturday morning, she tell me she has to run to home before her husband gets home. I am sure that one day this will not be the case, we will be together forever.

All weekend, I get texts from her telling me how much she misses me and how wonderful our night together was and how she wants this to be our life. Then, as I’m sitting on the computer I get an IM from someone I haven’t heard from in months. She knew about my “flower” as she put it. But I didn’t tell her much about us. She tells me, “your flower is at it again” she sends me the link to sugar I am crushed, I can’t believe it. I now find out she is not at home at all but spending the weekend with Ron on the north shore. How can this be, how can she walk out the door to yet another man.

I don’t let her know what I know but tell her I want to have dinner on Monday.

At dinner I confront her about Ron, she tells me she needs him too. She tells me about his sex room & the wonderful massages he gives. I take her phone and see it’s not just Ron but five others, including Mark who tell his wife he’s playing golf on Sunday when he is actually playing with my flower. Hell this guy is sending her to his wife’s hair dresser. What a fool I am, but love overtakes me and I think maybe I can get past this too. But after seeing all those emails & what she is doing with these guys. No I can’t and I leave her. The woman I love is a whore a prostitute as she is doing this for money. Who am I, who is this woman?

As we move forward things change will it draw us closer

•February 16, 2012 • 2 Comments

After several months: the signs are there
We are always in touch, even when we are not together. She is consistently texting me, telling me how much she misses me when we can’t be together. How amazing it is to be together. She tells me I am all she can think of and wants to be with me all the time. I am in pain when we aren’t together. The though of her sitting lonely in her living room with a man who cares nothing about her, except for the money she can bring in. It breaks my heart; my mind, my soul, my life are consumed with the thought of leaving my wife & making a life with Rose. But she still hasn’t told me she loves me and she did tell me she wouldn’t leave her husband, I have to try to hold myself together.
Making love to her is amazing, it’s not the act, it is the feeling I get when I do. I was trying to show her the difference between sex and making love. Her past was filled with shallow meaningless sex. I think if she saw the difference it would help her see and awaken her.
My heart and my soul are completely absorbed in to my being one with her, her touch sets me on fire every time we touch. Just the sight of her lifts me to heights I never thought possible. It’s been almost a year, yet I still have not lost this feeling, no it gets stronger by the day.
It’s a Wednesday evening she is free for the evening her husband has been called to work. I pick her up and we go to our place. After a nice dinner I made, we decide to lie down relax and talk. It was about a month ago that I finally told her I love her. I got no response, I never pushed it, I just let it be. Fear paralyzed me when I said it. It was in the middle of making love, being one. Maybe she though because it was said in the throws of passion, was I like the many, many others, and was just saying what she thought she wanted to hear. I never say what I don’t mean, but she is so used to being used she has no way of knowing that.
As we talk I begin to kiss her softly, I take her hand kiss the back than the palm.
I gently kiss her cheek, then forehead. I slowly move to her on the lips. We begin to kiss slowly, then without warning she loses it. She starts punching me, tears my shirt off screaming at me, scratching me. There is no getting her back. Trying to hold her hands to keep her from hurting both of us more is fruitless. I am afraid; I have no idea what to for with this crazy out of control woman. Her eyes are crazy, wild, she has lost her mind. I slap her, she stops, the crazy look in her eye leaves, she breaks down and cry’s. I hold her tight as she apologizes, we kiss and I console her, reassuring her everything will be ok.
I see now there is more to these crazy acts of random sex with strangers on the net then doing it for money as she claimed. I begin to realize she also has a drinking problem. She always has wine in a soda bottle in her purse. I am awakened, I know now what is going on, she is bi polar, All the symptoms are there, why hasn’t anyone tried to help her, what is wrong with her husband, who allows this behavior?
Once I have her back, I tell her we need to get her help. Over the next several months I move forward to make sure she gets to a doctor. I work to get her to stop the drinking and smoking.
It took another 6 months but things seem so much better now, she tell me every time we meet she can’t believe how she acted. I went to the therapist with her, it turns out she really likes him, but he will not take her insurance, so I pay, I only want the best for her. Our relationship has now turned from one of passion to love and I will do anything I can to get my Rose better, anything.

a fools diary of his doomed love affair cont.

•February 15, 2012 • Leave a Comment

the diary of a fool, Bill & Rose
We spent the last few months seeing each other at least 3 to 4 nights a week. We couldn’t seem to stay away from each other. We enjoyed dining out & going for walks, but mostly we enjoyed being with each other in our little hide-away.
When we touch I am on fire, I can’t remember ever feeling so much passion, I don’t understand why, I just know it feels good and I surrendered to it. There is only one draw back, that I missed some how; I just not seeing clearly. Yes it is there, it‘s a sign for me to run, yet unbeknownst to me, I will ignore it, justify it, I simply don’t want to see it. I am too caught up in the passion, I am falling in love.
I never ask myself why she is getting so many calls from so many men. How could I miss this clear sign of trouble coming for me down the road? She is getting texts from men all night long. She angrily calls them and tells them to leave her alone. She actually put me on the phone with them, and like a fool I do it, I told them to leave her alone. Most do, but for some it takes a few conversations, eventually they go away. At least I thought they did, I am losing my sight, I will call it, the blindness of passion. I’m not processing the stories she was tell me about being with them & what she did with them. I don’t want to hear the stories and I don’t.
Tonight after dinner and two phone calls from her men, we head back to our place. We sit on the couch and embraced. Holding her is like holding an angel; I feel her warmth and passion. We kiss long and passionately, my heart is now turning to love, pulling me into her. We make our way to the bedroom; we can’t get our cloths off fast enough. Our naked bodies, lying so close, we hold each other tight, we are one. We kiss, my burning desire to give her great pleasure took control of my body, my heart, my soul, and I am helpless. I kiss her body all over, she responds with the same passion I feel, there was no mistake we have a connection beyond what we both understand. An attraction so strong, so deep, this is like nothing I have ever experienced. As I entered her, our eyes meet, our lips come together like magnets that couldn’t be parted. I am making love for the 1st time in my life; I know it but don’t want to admit it, to her or myself for fear of scaring her.
As we make love my body melted into hers, I feel her body react to mine, this is real, I am convinced… we finish, making love lying next to her, love still flows from my heart. I hold her in my arms pull her to me as close and tight as I can, I want to pull her into me, my heart is filled with joy, with love.
We lay holding each other as we talk, it was then she told me; she loves her husband and has no intention of leaving him. She told me the reason for me and the other men is that he is gay & she needs the sex, she told me she would never leave him. I am hurt, cut deeply as if it’s a surgeon’s scalpel cutting deep into me. I can’t blame her, I clearly know, I let myself go to far. I know she doesn’t need this, me, or my childish passion. My complete lack of self-control, what a mess this has become, I was gone. I knew it, she feels the same way, I can’t miss that, why.
I don’t realize; I am blind. I am with a master manipulator, it is clear; I choose to not see it. All the men she told me about, left my head, this is a big mistake. Little do I realize this is to become a love affair of hurt and pain? The lying, the cheating that is about to come my way will be intense. I am embarking on a journey like no other. But, I am in love and like most fools in love I am helpless, I just don’t care about anything but being with her.

•February 15, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Bob Buchanan

I haven’t published it as I’m writing the 2nd one, a continuation of the 1st. This is new not like the novel;

I found heart-break & pain on the net

My life has become boring, I lack love and feel alone, even though I am married. I have no idea what happened to the woman I once loved with all my heart. She has become angry & cynical. We stopped talking to each other and began to talk to at each other. I don’t knowing what to do, I know divorce is out of the question, for many reasons. Lost and in pain, I posted an ad on a cheating site. In hind sight a big mistake, but who could have guessed, I am weak, lost, not an excuse I know, but I will eventually pay dearly.

It all started on one November day, I got an answer to my…

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